How to Handle A High-Conflict Personality Spouse When Co-Parenting With Bridget Bennett

Summary

In this episode, host Lisa and guest Bridget Bennett discuss the five essential steps to handle a high-conflict personality spouse when co-parenting. Bridget, a custody and divorce specialist, shares her journey and provides valuable insights and strategies for maintaining peace and focusing on the well-being of the children. The steps include going low contact, establishing firm legal boundaries, using BIF communication, considering a domestic violence protective order, and focusing on controlling oneself. Bridget emphasizes the importance of self-regulation and not reacting to the high-conflict behavior of the other parent.

Takeaways

Go low contact and use a parenting app to minimize direct communication with a high-conflict personality spouse.
Establish firm legal boundaries by having a court order in place and following it strictly.
Use BIF communication (brief, informative, friendly, and firm) to communicate with the high-conflict personality spouse effectively.
Consider obtaining a domestic violence protective order if the high conflict behavior continues and poses a threat.
Focus on controlling oneself and not getting caught up in the high-conflict behavior of the other parent.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the topic
03:11 Bridget's background and journey
04:25 Coping with high-conflict personalities
05:41 Defining high-conflict personality
06:35 Differentiating high-conflict personality from narcissism
10:04 Steps to handle a high conflict personality spouse
10:34 Step 1: Go low contact and use a parenting app
12:09 Step 2: Establish firm legal boundaries
15:41 Step 3: Use BIF communication
20:39 Step 4: Consider a domestic violence protective order
22:31 Step 5: Focus on controlling yourself
27:58 Recap of the five steps
36:09 How to reach Bridget for coaching
38:45 Conclusion and farewell
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Transcript

Handling High Conflict Personality Spouses

Speaker 1 0:10

Welcome to Ella Goh . My name is Lisa . Join me on the journey in having real , raw and uncomfortable discussions about fitness , health and everything in between , because , let's be honest , this journey would suck if we don't get our shit together . Hey everyone , welcome back to the Ella Goh podcast , where we empower women through fitness , health and everything in between . I'm your host , lisa , and in today's episode , we're diving deep into the five essential steps to handle a high conflict personality spouse .

Speaker 1 0:54

When co-parenting is a topic that many of you have reached out about , and we're here to provide insights , strategies and a whole lot of support . Co-parenting can be tricky , especially when dealing with a high conflict personality spouse . Fear not , because we got your back , and in today's episode , it is your roadmap to navigating these challenging situations . Whether you're in the midst of a divorce or you've been co-parenting for a while , these steps are designed to help you maintain peace and focus on what truly matters the well-being of your kids . So now , the special guest that we'll be providing these steps is coach Bridget Bennett . She's a custody and divorce specialist .

Speaker 2 1:40

Welcome , bridget . Thank you so much for having me , lisa . I'm so excited to be here .

Speaker 1 1:45

Well , first of all , we got to talk about how we met .

Speaker 1 1:48

Bridget and I . This is so crazy because not too long ago , we actually met through mutual business partners and we're like , oh my God , I see you . Would you say it was like 2020 ? Yes , it was COVID . It was COVID . That is so freaking nuts . Okay , so 2020 , obviously everyone was getting on TikTok . The adults were getting on TikTok and I saw Bridget . She was going through divorce and that resonated with me and we both were following each other and supporting each other and it's like this full circle . Who would have thought 2024 ? Now Bridget's on my podcast .

Speaker 2 2:33

The things that happen in life right .

Speaker 1 2:36

It's nuts , it's so nuts . So when we saw each other , that one day we're like oh my God , she's , look at her , she's real , I was totally girl-fatting okay .

Speaker 1 2:46

Same here , same here . I mean you , like , I was listening and I watched your journey and I got to be honest with you . I was so envious because you were actually making waves where I wasn't . And then when you made that special announcement of the outcome of your custody , I was so freaking happy for you . But you've given us not just me , but every woman and man so much inspiration and just keep on fighting the good fight for our kids . So that's why I really wanted you to be on here , because you have so much to truly provide to the audience in regards to this topic . So let's get to it . Bridget , can you just give us a little bit about your background , like how did you get started with coaching , and maybe talk about , like you know , how did it all begin ?

Speaker 2 3:45

Right ? Well , I've been a paralegal . My profession is I'm a paralegal , been one for gosh 20 years or so . So I was finding my way in , you know , the trenches of family court and I got to a point where I was just tired of being in this victim mindset of you know . Woe is me . All of these things are happening to me and it's so unfair , right , and I just am like fuck it , I'm not going to let this happen anymore . I'm going to just take all of the things that are happening for me in life and I'm going to use the experiences , the good and the bad and the ugly , and I'm going to help as many people as I possibly can so they never feel the ways that I was feeling , because I did it all alone and I didn't want that to happen to anybody else ever again , or their children to feel , you know , sadness or discouraged , and that's kind of how I turned the journey around a bit .

Speaker 1 4:52

I wanted to be that person that I needed for myself , to others , Well , you know , as everyone's listening to you , another thing , that another reason why I'm envious of you is you have such a calmness to you , your personality . You're very calm . You have such a very calmness to your voice and I don't . So , you know , and that was why , where you were helpful , because you would talk about when you're dealing with somebody that you have to co-parent that's not easy to co-parent and how do you like center yourself and not go crazy with your emotions and that's so hard to do . So , you know , listening to you during , you know , watching your TikToks , you gave me a lot of that inspiration because you know I needed to get centered because , at the end of the day , it's really for the kids .

Speaker 1 5:47

But I'm glad that you decided to do this because you obviously you're doing such great things and you're giving us so much great insight and how to handle a not so great situation . So let's talk about high conflict personality and I asked you when you first brought this up . I was like , well , what is that ? So could you define that ? I mean , we could . That could be a lot of things . Well , could you define that and maybe even provide some examples to the audience ?

Speaker 2 6:14

Right . So someone with high conflict personality is one that it's a pattern of behavior and it's a repetitive pattern of behavior . So this is someone that has an intense conflictive pattern of behavior . They are thriving off of conflict , chaos , and a lot of individuals will refer to them as somebody that might be narcissistic or , you know , maybe sociopathic , and I try to stay away from you know psychological diagnosis and just focus on the pattern of behavior . So if you are constantly trying to get you know some communication across co-parenting wise and you are always just meeting a wall constantly , chances are you're probably in a co-parenting situation with somebody with a high conflict personality .

Speaker 1 7:07

I love that you mentioned the whole idea of making these diagnoses , because I mean , when 2020 did happen , what was like the buzz word ?

Speaker 2 7:17

Narcissism .

Speaker 1 7:18

Narcissism , like everyone , was a damn narcissist .

Speaker 2 7:23

Everyone was a narcissist .

Speaker 1 7:28

And it's like you know , and someone from you know the therapy background , I was like , okay , first of all , there's like a whole like that everybody is a narcissist and there's always like just toxic behavior , you know , hands down . So I was going to ask you , you know , could someone be , could someone have a high conflict personality without being a narcissist ? But I think we know the answer . I mean , yeah , I mean they don't necessarily have to be a narcissist , correct ?

Speaker 2 8:01

They don't have to be a narcissist , right , and somebody would have to be diagnosed , really , as a narcissist for that term to really be used . One could argue that they would fall under the umbrella of a cluster B personality disorder , right , I do have a background in human services , so in mental health . But ultimately , what they're diagnosed as or what they could be diagnosed as , it doesn't really matter . What is important in what we want to showcase in family court is this repetitive pattern of behavior and how that is impacting us , our ability to effectively co-parent and communicate with this individual , and how that pattern of behavior is impacting the minor children that are involved because at the end of the day , it is about them and how long term this can impact them as they get into even adulthood . That's what we want to talk about and share . And how do we showcase this in family court ? Right , that's where the struggle lies , because people are going to say left and right oh , this is a narcissist and you're gaslighting me , and that just doesn't play well .

Speaker 1 9:13

Yes , the court system is on a whole different level and I think that is something that we have a hard time understanding because we assume , oh , like you just said , they're narcissists , they're gaslighting , and this is the legal court system .

Effective Communication Strategies for Co-Parenting

Speaker 1 9:33

You just hit it on the nail . You talked about patterns of behavior , proof of patterns of behavior that are detrimental to co-parenting , and you have to show case that that's happening and you can't just be throwing those words yes , it's a whole different world in there . I don't get it . I honestly had to relearn . I was in my own situation and I would say , well , yeah , but he doesn't , and you're like , okay , no , well , how many times does he do it ? Is there a pattern ? I mean , the one time thing is not going to cut it , unless it's very grandiose situation . With that being said , let's talk about those five steps . What are some of the steps or ways that someone could handle a high conflict personality spouse or even a significant other when co-parent or during separation or divorce ?

Speaker 2 10:34

Well , if there's children , the first thing that I always advise is you have to go low contact . You have got to get off of text messaging , phone calls . It's not about giving them the benefit of the doubt . Anything that you do and say , cannon will be used against you and it will be spun against you . The narrative will be spun a million ways and it will become this narrative that's very negative .

Speaker 2 11:03

In family court we got to get onto a parenting app . Talking parents is one that I highly recommend . People use our Family Wizard . These are just two very common ones . That is a boundary that you are going to maintain .

Speaker 2 11:19

Something of parenting app is something that the communication cannot be modified . It is a certified version of the communication . They can't go into Gmail and try to start cherry picking things Now . They still will with their attorneys , but you can provide a certified copy of all of the communication . That's something that is ideal . That is if there's children involved . If you are just divorcing and separating somebody that's high conflict personality then there should be very minimal to no conversations at all . If there is just keep it an email , you want to keep it an email . You don't need to get into a parenting app , obviously for that communication . We want to keep it to something that is very minimal . We want to keep the conversations that are not getting into emotions of well , that time that you went out to dinner with Sally , your secretary , and no , no , no , no , no , no , we're not rehashing the past . That's step number one . We want to keep the communication to be something that is very , not full of emotions . You want to be as professional as possible .

Speaker 1 12:27

Let's talk a little bit about that app , because I didn't know that . I didn't even know about it until way into my situation . Is that something that has to be approved by the judge ?

Speaker 2 12:40

In some cases yes , in other cases we want to encourage I use that word . We want to encourage the high conflict person to get onto a parenting app . They're going to be very resistant to it because they're all about maintaining power and control , but if we can encourage them to get onto the app , it's better for us . But I do say we want to get that into a court order . Your court order just goes into step number two . You want to get a court order eventually . Initially , it's going to take some time to get that . The court process is a bit lengthy . If we've been through the court process and family court , we know that it takes some time . But we want to get everything into a court order . That court order is your rule book , your guide book . You do not steer away from anything that's in that order . We're going to make sure that we're sticking to every little thing . You're going to memorize it like you know how to write your first and last name . That way you can make sure that they are sticking to it as well .

Speaker 1 15:12

I'm going to share a little bit about the court order Now that I'm thinking about . I'm so glad I did what I did . So you know one of the things that I did I did sought out Some advice on how to even go about that . This needs to be written like a freaking Bible , like every little situation , like if there's a Martin Luther King day , what's the situation . There's a snow day , what's the situation , you know ?

Speaker 1 15:35

So I wanted it written in such a way that someone could take it and know what situation could occur and what . What is it that we would have to ? We would have to follow , and I remember Getting help from this woman that helped me and I mean I paid for the services and she helped me write out this core order and when we brought it to the judge , or judge said I've never seen anything like this in my life , because it was written with such detail and Because I didn't get any communication . So if I'm not gonna get communication , this is great , because this person could just get the book and now have to talk to me and say , oh okay , this is what's supposed to happen .

Speaker 2 16:18

So yes yes , or exactly what you need in case of you know I I encourage people . In case of a snow day Like this , past week , for me as a coach has been chaotic . I've had so many clients contacting me . What do I do ? It's a snow day , school is closed , there's a delay and I have clients all over the country . And well , what does your court order say ? What does your parenting plan say ? And some of them don't know , like they have to send it to me and we have to go through it together and we stick to the parenting plan .

Speaker 2 16:52

Sometimes there's no language in there , right , and so then , it's about how do we construct a message and we're going to let the other Other parent , the high conflict parent , believe that we're giving them some kind of Control or some power to make a decision , but we're asking for their preference , in other words , knowing that they're also going to Likely , you know , try to put the child safety first . But it's , it's kind of an interesting psychology that goes on because we're implementing a method of communication which is one of the one of our steps that we're going to use on how we're going to effectively communicate with them , and this is a method that I Teach . It's called Biff communication , and so this goes it kind of like my segue here and it goes into like step number three so you've got your , you've got your court order and you want to effectively communicate with this high conflict individual . But how do you do it ? Right ? And so using Biff communication , which is brief and formative , friendly and firm . So we're using assertiveness and we're communicating in a way that's going to say , hey , let's say John , hi , john .

Speaker 2 18:07

As you know , the weather is terrible and the road conditions are , you know , bad . School is closed . How would you like to handle Visitation this evening ? What is your preference ? Right , I don't have a problem . I'm available to keep . To keep , sally , I look forward to hearing back from you . Thanks , bridgette . Right , and then we're gonna get a response back and the response . If you've been using Biff for a while , it takes a while , right , because you're like also retraining them .

Speaker 1 18:38

Oh .

Speaker 2 18:38

I'm , I understand , I am happy they might even throw out a makeup time , right . But that's the goal , is you want to help de-escalate the conflict over time . But if you're throwing out something to the other person , that's high conflict and you're throwing out something that's kind of demanding , authoritative , because that's just their nature , you're going to get a response that's combative , defensive , and that's just going to add to your anxiety . It's gonna add to the conflict , into , like this sense of drama and we don't want that . We want to live a peaceful and happy life .

Speaker 1 19:14

Hey , man , sister , okay , so that's one of the steps that someone could take . I love the way that you would . Then I , okay , let me say this okay , I Love the way that you worded and and the way you gave that example , but you know you're so , if you are on the other end of it , like you really need to , I don't know meditate , have a run . Yeah , you know what are you gonna do to , because you gotta be centered . And I will say this that probably is the most important part is , you know , be at the point where you can actually have a very calm conversation with that other individual and if you know you are not , do not respond no , like don't feel like you got to respond right at that moment . Like , take a time out and run or meditate or breathe .

Speaker 2 20:18

Yes , yes , I have a solid meditation practice , some great stretching , some yoga , long walks . I know we've talked about this . I've been a runner . Now my running has kind of fallen off track of the instance , covid .

Speaker 1 20:37

Oh , wow , we're going to talk about this ?

Speaker 2 20:40

We do , we do , coach Lisa , we do . I've run four half marathons since the time I've been divorced , so running has definitely been very therapeutic for me . There is an amazing correlation with moving your body and your mental health . You cannot , you cannot , reduce your cortisol stress levels without moving your body . It just doesn't happen . And so I'm like let's fight all the healthy coping . You know mechanisms that I can possibly have . Moving my body is probably number one .

Speaker 1 21:16

I agree with you on that one . Oh girl , yes , oh , amen to that I can . I'm going to keep that to myself , because I remember going through kickboxing class and the trainer was like Lisa , what is going on with your beating the hell out of that bag ? And I'm like , oh yeah , I'm just releasing my stress right now . Okay , let's talk about the next step .

Speaker 2 21:38

So the next step is , you know , with the firm legal boundaries that I talked about , one of the ones that I've left out is , you know , a domestic violence protective order . A lot of people that are experiencing a high conflict personality , you know , they've experienced a lot of abuse and some abuses hidden , and I want to talk about that some , because abuse is not only just physical , right , abuse can be emotional abuses , financial , and when you're out of those situations you don't realize it until sometimes after the fact , and it can be years down the road and you're like , oh snap , oh , oh , wow , that was happening to me , right . And so I think for me , in my situation , I didn't realize all of the things that I had really fully experienced . I know I was in an abusive situation or an unhealthy marriage , but I didn't realize the importance of me trying to protect myself and getting a domestic violence restraining order until after and you know , until after I had filed for divorce , I had gotten divorced and I had my custody order in place and these things just kept happening over and over and over again .

Speaker 2 22:56

And so sometimes they don't always have a sequence right . You can file for your divorce , you can have your custody order in place and if you're saying that these you know , combative , conflictive behaviors are continuing harassment , stalking you need to do something else to protect yourself . And it's not like , oh well , if I just give in , if I just do what he or she wants , it's going to get better . No , no , it's not going to get better . You have to hold your boundaries and sometimes you need to take , you know , the legal route to do that , and that's something that I don't think we should ever shy away from or feel any kind of shame by doing it .

Speaker 1 23:38

Yeah , I think that it's for women especially . You just hit it on the nail where they feel like you know I'll just give in and it doesn't get better , it just keeps getting worse . You're not making it any better for yourself or your kids . So , okay , how many did we do already ? I think we did . This is the . This is the section where you delete . Okay , we did . How many for me was for me ?

Speaker 2 24:06

was for . We got one more . Yes . Okay all right , yes .

Speaker 1 24:12

Okay , Bridget , let's do the last one . What's the last step ?

Speaker 2 24:15

Understanding that you can only control yourself . You cannot control what goes on at the other parent's house

Navigating Co-Parenting Challenges and Personal Growth

Speaker 2 24:23

, how they are parenting the child during their parenting time . You can't if they're not having the child in bed at the child's bedtime , if it's an hour later , if the child is smaller and a toddler and they're feeding them 30 minutes past the feeding time . You gotta let some of this shit go . Can I curse on here ? Sorry , okay , you gotta let some shit go . If you don't , you are going to look high conflict yourself . The kids are going to see , in the end , who is who and figure it out .

Speaker 2 25:05

You can only control yourself . By doing that and accepting that , you also will learn how to better regulate your emotions and not respond or not react as the word I want to use Not react from a place of emotions and not be attacking the other person all the time . You'll be able to respond and do so in a much better , healthier mindset and place and be much more calm . Now , it's taken me a long time to get here . I feel that you've seen the journey on my TikTok . I mean I scrolled down a long way , yeah .

Speaker 1 25:53

That's like four years of that . I've come a long way . Yeah , yeah , I . You know that is so hard . That is so hard to you know . When someone says that you almost feel like you're not listening to me , but you don't understand , yes , I do understand , but you're not going to control that person , no matter what , Then I'm going to go to court and blah , blah , blah .

Speaker 1 26:16

Is that really even helping the situation ? And I , I will say this when you do come to that point and I can resonate with what you just said , that I've come a long way too and when you got to , when you get to that point where you can self-regulate , eventually you're going to be that person to your kids because they're going to come to you and say , oh , and then I can't believe that my step mom or my step dad , and then you can actually say , okay , well , let's talk about this . You know you can't control what they say and I'm finding myself even doing that . I was like go , lisa , who dis Go for it for you ?

Speaker 1 27:02

Oh , I mean , I , you know it takes time and I recently , you know , spoke to somebody who's in the beginning phases and you know you're listening to them talk and you're like , oh my God , I've been there , oh my God , and they're just saying all the things and then all I could offer them and just like it was offered to me , it'll get better Eventually . It will get better as long as you do that work to self-regulate and follow those steps that you just mentioned .

Speaker 2 27:33

Yes , yes , and then you're all doing the work on yourself and focusing on you . You've got to switch it around and it doesn't matter what he or she is doing , it doesn't matter about their new partner and the new wife or new husband . That's where they want your focus to be and they want you to be super fixated on their life , because that's what they do about you .

Speaker 2 27:55

But if you just like I don't give a fuck . I don't give a fuck , I'm just going to focus on me and do all of my healing work . And it's constant right . Healing is an active verb . You never stop healing . You're always going to be doing the work and as soon as you figure that out , you're like huh , this is a walk in the park , I can keep doing this . Okay , you're going to come at me with something else . I got this . I am not surprised . And you're able to then pick on to their patterns of behavior . They become very predictable . You're going to know that before a court date , some crap is going to happen . All right , I was anticipating this . I always act up right before court . Predictable right Right before Christmas . Predictable Between Thanksgiving and New Year's it's the busiest time for me as a cook .

Speaker 1 28:47

Oh , of course , oh my God , oh my God . Yes , I could just remember that . Yes .

Speaker 2 28:53

They're not giving me back the kids , I don't know what to do . Yeah , because they want this to happen to you . It's not about the kids . They're wanting to piss you off . You're wanting to get this emotional reaction out of you . So don't get it to them , just be like okay , blink , you've got to be in different , learning in difference .

Speaker 1 29:14

And so hard to do and like if you have to vent to somebody or like just put on that face like you know , okay , no , okay , you know , and then be like , oh my God , I can't . You know , I can remember doing that and you know , do what you got to do to focus on the kids , because that's really who's it's about . All right , so let's just run through all the five steps , all right . What was number one ? What was number one Number ?

Speaker 2 29:43

one . You got to go low contact , no contact if you don't have kids and get on a parenting app .

Speaker 1 29:49

That's the most important .

Speaker 2 29:50

Talking parents is my favorite , our family wizard , you can use that too .

Speaker 1 29:54

Okay , what's number two ?

Speaker 2 29:57

Number two you've got to have firm legal boundaries . You've got to have firm legal boundaries . You've got to have a custody order in place . You've got to follow it . Do not sway from it under no circumstances .

Speaker 1 30:10

Stick to it .

Speaker 2 30:11

Perfect and number three , we're going to use . An effective form of communication , which is my preferable way of communicating , is the Biff method , which is brief , informative , friendly and firm .

Speaker 1 30:23

Okay , and number four number four is .

Speaker 2 30:30

what did I say Number four is ? I had it down and I was like I think it went out of order . Hold on , number four was I think , I think , I think , I think , I think it's coming .

Speaker 1 30:43

Was it to talk to them ? No way . No-transcript .

Speaker 2 30:50

Oh , dvp protective order yes .

Speaker 1 30:52

Okay , yes , protective order . Okay , so let's start again . Okay , and number four .

Speaker 2 30:57

Number four is learning to set additional legal boundaries if needed , like filing a domestic violence protective order , If these patterns of behavior continue . Don't be afraid to do it . Have no shame in your game . You got to protect yourself . Absolutely Okay , and number five , that you can only control yourself .

Speaker 1 31:18

That's literally the most important .

Speaker 2 31:20

It is . It is the most important . If that is the only thing that your listeners take from this episode , have it be that you can only control yourself .

Speaker 1 31:30

So let me ask you this one quick question . You know these are awesome steps . I mean , I can resonate with all of them . And you know , going into this legal system and it's all new to people who've never been in it knowing these steps ahead of time , I would say it would be very beneficial to you , because do the attorneys automatically know these steps and do they share it with you ?

Speaker 2 32:03

No , no , they don't , and they don't share it . They don't know anything about the BIF method . I talked to a family law attorney just about two weeks ago and they asked me to repeat what was that method of communication ? Again , I've never heard of that before and they wrote it down and they asked me where they could find a book about it .

Speaker 1 32:27

Wow .

Speaker 2 32:29

Okay , and the attorneys are not going to sit there and tell you stop reacting , Don't give them this emotional , you know bait . Don't take it , Don't do it . They're not going to do it and they're not going to follow these steps right . They're going to benefit more from the constant conflict and chaos that's going on because you're paying them by the hour . I hate to be the one that speaks the truth here , but it's the truth .

Speaker 1 33:02

It is it is yeah , they really that was a trick question . They don't know . I mean , they don't . So , like , if you go in there and you , like I just said , when I was informed about how to write that Bible , my lawyer was like holy shit , whoa , wow , where'd you get this ? You know it's so important to be , you know , have some knowledge going into this situation . Don't assume that your lawyer knows everything . Yeah , and there's one other question I want to ask you . So , bridget , as far as you being a coach , like , how could someone utilize you while they're going through the system ?

Speaker 2 33:47

I have worked with clients that have had attorneys and those that don't . I made my way through the family court system on my own as a prosalit against , and so I have used and right now I am still representing myself in family court Wow , you just , you know what you just leveled up in my head .

Speaker 1 34:12

Holy shit , that is not , that's no joke , like I mean . No , I mean I know you have the background , but you also have to have that stoic demeanor to go through that . That is wow , that's fucking badass .

Speaker 2 34:28

Well , thank you . Seven years so far , you know ? Wow , I'm still standing there .

Speaker 1 34:36

So they , so they could literally utilize you . I love that fact that . Okay , so if you're on your own , obviously you're going to be very beneficial , but even as if you have your own attorney , I think that's freaking awesome , Like I never even heard that there was a coach like this available during my time . I mean , if I have known that , I probably would have utilized someone like that , because my you know attorneys , like you said , they don't know everything . No , I think that's pretty awesome .

Speaker 2 35:04

Well , thank you . As a paralegal , I do a lot of drafting of legal documents , so I draft a lot . I've drafted motions to modify , I draft protective orders , I draft declarations with clients . I help them , I give them or I review what they have drafted already . I have a client in the state of Washington .

Speaker 2 35:23

I have a lot in the state of Washington and this one in particular had has an attorney and he was just an older gentleman , pretty overwhelmed , had a lot of work , and he and I were talking . We had a phone conference a few times and I told him I'm like you know what ? I'll draft the motions , I'll draft all these things . You take a look at them . And that's how we coordinated it . So , yeah , yeah , I've been in lots of hearings . I've had a deposition taken of me In another case outside of the DC area . I was I'm a domestic violence advocate , so I've been helping people for several years in this area getting protective orders . There's not been a protective order that has been denied that I've worked on with clients , so that I am very fucking proud of .

Speaker 1 36:13

Wow , you know I can now see how I mean . First of all , the whole coaching idea . You know , going through this process , I wish there was something like that during my own you know situation . But how beneficial that you I mean you are . You're representing yourself . So let's talk about my God . The amount of knowledge that you have and experience is so extensive . I think that's so awesome . I really do , and now I can see why you know how powerful that is to come into a situation where you have that knowledge and you are there by their side , they're their side , like that's empowering , like you're . You have the lawyer , but then you kind of have that coach there . That's kind of like giving you the ins and outs of the system that's going to be real with you because of the experiences that your own experience .

Speaker 2 37:07

Yeah , and I'm much more accessible than an attorney is the compliment that I get all the time from my clients . You're like , oh my God I would , I had my attorney for like six months to a year . I could never speak to them . I was like , oh , wow , Well , welcome to the other side .

Speaker 1 37:24

Welcome to the real . You know . Yeah , that is so awesome . I really love that , bridget . I love that you're doing that . I think , again , I never heard of something like this and the fact that you're also doing this in other states . I think it's so cool that you're reaching out to the masses , so I think you're fucking awesome . With that being said , where can people reach you ?

Speaker 2 37:51

That's a great question . So I am . I am a part of Matt Pfeiffer coaching . I'm a part of Matt Pfeiffer's team . Matt and I work very well together and I have a couple of different options .

Speaker 2 38:06

I offer a free workshop once a month and we talk about all things high conflict , custody and divorce . It is . I will give you the link so that you can share it with your listeners , but it is the third Tuesday of every single month . They can also find me on TikTok . I have a lot of free information there that I share and then they can book a session with me , a free strategy call , we can chat about their case and we can go forward from there . But every person that I work with , they have full access to me , which is the difference between me and an attorney and I help them with their high conflict communication . I have people that screenshot it to me , send it back to me . How do I respond to this crazy person ? Today ? I'm like I got you . I got you as I'm drinking my coffee . We were responding to all the narcissists , you know .

Speaker 1 38:58

Wow so cool .

Speaker 2 39:00

It's very entertaining to me at this point . Oh my God .

Speaker 1 39:03

Oh my God . Well , bridget , I really learned a lot today . I didn't know what to expect , like , honestly , like I learned so much from you just talking to you . You're so fun to talk to you , you're so fun to be with . I feel like we're like a soul . We're soul sisters now and he was finally .

Speaker 2 39:23

Every time I like open up my , my Tik Tok and you're there . I was like Lisa's going to the gym this morning . I need to get up and move my ass .

Speaker 1 39:34

Well , I'm glad that's working as well .

Speaker 2 39:37

It is , it's very effective .

Speaker 1 39:38

I hope that . Well , let me just share that we hope to do a live and talk more about this and really , you know , interact with the

Upcoming Live Episode With Bridget

Speaker 1 39:47

audience . So hopefully , you know , when this podcast episode drops , we will set up a time that we can do that and you all can , you know , meet Bridget and , and , and be able to ask questions and see how fucking amazing she is . So , bridget , thank you so much for being a part of this episode .

Speaker 2 40:05

Yeah , I loved it . Thank you so much for inviting me .

Speaker 1 40:08

You're welcome , and all the links that Bridget was talking about and where to get ahold of her will be in the episode notes , so be sure to reach out to her if you think that she's going to be beneficial to your situation . And again , bridget , thank you for being a part of the Elago podcast . It's been my pleasure , and thank you everyone for joining us and until next time , bye .