Breaking Free to Become Empowered with the No Bullsh*t Empowerment Coach Vanessa Kavulish Ep. 174

Join us on the Ella Go Podcast as we sit down with Vanessa Kavulish, a coach devoted to helping women break free from mental barriers and fully embrace their potential. Vanessa shares her journey of self-discovery and empowerment, starting with her weight loss journey and overcoming self-worth issues. She emphasizes the importance of the mind-body connection and how it impacts our overall well-being. Vanessa works with women to help them overcome limiting beliefs and negative self-talk, giving them permission to explore themselves and prioritize their own needs.

Takeaways

• The mind-body connection is crucial for overall well-being and self-acceptance.
• Overcoming limiting beliefs and negative self-talk is essential for personal growth and empowerment.
• Giving yourself permission to explore and prioritize your own needs is key to living a fulfilling life.
• Surrounding yourself with experienced professionals and mentors can accelerate your growth and success.
• Dance fitness can be a powerful tool for self-expression and empowerment.

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Chapters

• 0:42 Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs for Empowerment
• 10:30 Permission to Let Go
• 15:06 Guidance Through Self-Discovery and Empowerment
• 24:58 Empowerment Through Dance Fitness Coaching

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:42

Welcome to Ella Go. My name is Lisa. Join me on the journey in having real raw and uncomfortable discussions about fitness, health and everything in between, because, let's be honest, this journey would suck if we don't get our shit together. Welcome back to the Elego Podcast. My name is Lisa, I am your host and today's guest is Vanessa. Vanessa, welcome.

Speaker 2: 1:17

Hi, it's so nice to be here. I am so excited. Thank you so much for having me on.

Speaker 1: 1:22

So Vanessa reminded me that we met through the Health Coach Institute and I'm like, oh my God, I totally forgot about that. And she has quite an impressive resume and she also has a journey and I wanted her to come on here and talk about that journey, how she's overcome it and how she is using those life lessons to help others. So, vanessa, introduce yourself to the listeners.

Speaker 2: 1:50

Well, first of all, again, it's so exciting to be here, like I'm just so excited to be able to have this conversation with you, lisa, and to be able to share with everybody. So my journey started really way back in 2015, when I had moved to Florida for a sales job that I did not like, and it was really a low point in my life. I had no idea who I was at all, and I found myself really having to force myself to be excited about this job, and I ended up finding myself broke because I wasn't living in alignment with myself. I couldn't make sales. I almost got my car repossessed and ended up. My job closed its doors and left.

Speaker 2: 2:37

They moved themselves out of state, and so I was in a really crazy place, and so it was interesting, and I had to work really hard to start with my mindset in that period of time, because I felt like the sky was falling. Nothing made sense to me, everything was awful, and I stumbled across this book called your Wish is your Command, or it was actually an audio on YouTube. I think it's still there. It's Kevin Turdo. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but it's very similar to the Secret, where he's talking about mindset and where your energy, your attention flows, energy goes, and so I really started to focus my journey, like right then and there, and I moved back to Sedona, which is where I'm from, and I started this weight loss journey. That was kind of where my mindset shift started, because when I was in Florida I was so miserable that I was overeating and all of the things like definitely lots of mental health stuff in that period of time. So my journey to where I am now truly started as a weight loss journey and I had to work through a lot of things in that time, like a lot of self-worth issues and being in narcissistic relationships and so many things. Like you said, there's just been so many things that I have been on a journey through and this journey to self-discovery while it's definitely not over yet I don't think it's ever over but I have pulled so much from those experiences about the importance of moving your body and learning to actually not only love yourself but to like yourself and to respect yourself so much that you want to make decisions for yourself and that you don't need to be in the presence of somebody else in order to live life and to be lit up and to make your own decisions.

Speaker 2: 4:32

And so, as I was going through this journey and I was starting to share it, I was really getting into this power of positivity and seeing results for myself. I started to share it all on social media and I started to get these DMs from people. They were asking me if I was a coach and I was like, no, like, what is that? Like, what is it? I don't even know what that is Like. It wasn't even on my radar At that point. I was very deep into high productivity, high performance habits with Brendan Burchard and listening to Rachel Hollis, and so I was still on that growth journey, but it hadn't connected the dots. That that was kind of the route I was pointed and by the time I got probably my third or fourth question on that, I was like, you know, this really feels like a sign from the universe. I had hit my goal weight for the first time ever.

Speaker 2: 5:21

I was about, I think, four years into my journey, because this was 2021, when I finally decided, after I got that fourth message, that I should probably look into being a coach. So I enrolled at Health Coach Institute, which is where I met you. I got my certification in six months and I originally started with body positivity. For all of those reasons, that was my very first niche when I was newly certified. But now I focus on feminine empowerment and helping women to embrace themselves and just find out what they're into, find out what they enjoy.

Speaker 2: 6:00

You empower women through running, and there's some women who may not even know that they enjoy something like that because they've never taken the time to ask themselves that question or to even explore that. And so, looking at my history and my story, that was why I decided to switch my niche, because if I had never started that journey and asked myself that and tried new things, I would have never led myself to dance fitness Like. For me, that is my movement, that is what speaks to me, what helps me to express, and there's so many other things that I enjoy in life that I never would have known about if I didn't empower myself to make those decisions on my own. So that is what I teach women to do. Now that is present day, and I love it. So, so, so much so you just unpacked a lot I did.

Speaker 1: 6:53

So let's take a step back here. So at the beginning you were talking about, you had to go through this journey and let go of what was the narrative that you were working from, that you had to like face and had to overcome so that you could start like loving your life, loving yourself, and then you started losing the weight A lot of it is or was the need for constant external validation and feeling like I had to constantly do things that I didn't want to do.

Speaker 2: 7:44

I never even would ask myself, like is this an event you want to go to? Are these people that you want to be around? I would say, oh, this group looks good, I'm going to go insert myself there. And then it wasn't a fit for me, and so I would sit there in the corner and worry about what they thought about me the entire time, like do I look fat in these clothes? Do they think that I'm funny? Are they excited I'm here? Do they even want me here? How do they think my hair looks today? So many things Like.

Speaker 2: 8:12

That list goes on and on, and then that just leads to self-deprecating behavior. Right, and that was one thing I was the most guilty of was having a very negative mindset and saying like oh well, you're stupid or you're fat or no one likes you because of this. If you just lose the weight, then people will like you. If you just lose the weight, then you'll get a relationship that isn't verbally abusive, that isn't narcissistic. That is something that's good for you. And so I was thinking that, because of the way that my body looked, that that directly correlated to everything else in my life, to my experience in Florida not being good, to my romantic relationship, to the friends and the circles that I picked. I never thought that it was a circle that wasn't a good fit for me, which was the reality. It was just well. They don't like me because of the way that I look.

Speaker 1: 9:02

That you know, vanessa, all those things that you're talking about. So many women feel that way. Our worth is based on our looks, how we look, how our body is, on our looks. How we look, how our body is such a hard thing to go through and break that narrative, break that cycle. It's really hard because everybody's kind of thinking that you know, if I lose the weight, oh, I'll have more attention and I'll have a better boyfriend. If I lose the weight, I will, you know, have a better job. If I lose the weight, I will be happy. But then how many people do you know that are not happy after they lose the weight? And that was exactly me.

Speaker 2: 9:46

I got to that point where I lost the weight and I was like, oh my God, I don't feel any different. I don't feel any different in here, and so that actually brings us back full circle to the answer of your question. Is that mind-body connection? And that was where I really realized that it's actually more than that, and I feel like until you experience that moment, it's very hard to wrap your head around, because if somebody had said that to me before, I'm sure people told me that before and it didn't register at all, like to the point where I don't even remember it.

Speaker 2: 10:17

But it was actually experiencing that, because I'd found joy in movement and it helped me to live a healthier lifestyle, start to get some more honest relationships that were healthy for me. But then I still didn't feel different. My self-talk wasn't different, I didn't feel like I looked different in the mirror, so my behavior with myself wasn't any different, and so that's where I had to really make that big shift, because your body can store all of that negative feeling, all of the sadness, everything that we don't move out can just sit inside of your body, and so you have to be able to move that out as well. So that was also kind of what had started to leave me on that power of positivity, movement and starting to express those things and really shift my mindset, because there's no point in having a body that you're proud of if you still feel ugly on the inside.

Speaker 1: 11:13

Mm-hmm, and you know I call it fat brain. Mm, hmm, and you know I call it fat brain, like you know, seriously, because if you you know, I've been through that whole situation as well you could lose the weight and then you still look at the man, you're like she's, she's still, that's still that. Somebody put that said I wish, when I was in high school, when I thought I was fat, that I would be that weight again because you were not fat.

Speaker 1: 11:43

That mindset really can. If you don't work through it, you hit it on the nail. If you don't do the work internally, no matter what you do externally, it's not going to give you that happiness. The other thing that you said, that I feel that I was just thinking about this today and yesterday, and it's almost. I have to be very careful saying this because I don't want to offend anyone, but unless you went through that, unless you went through that, it's very hard to understand how it feels to go through that transformation and having to look at your body in a certain way. I think that you really have to be somebody that went through that experience. So, with that being said, the clients that you see, are they mostly women? They are, yes, okay, and what would you say is if you could pick like one or two themes, like what are the one or two themes that they're working from, where they need the help to, with you helping them to overcome? What are some of the themes that you tend to see a lot with the women?

Speaker 2: 12:56

Yeah, so the biggest one is limiting beliefs. It's really limiting beliefs and self-talk, and I think they really work hand in hand together. And it doesn't matter if it's due to weight or mom guilt or being a career woman. It all goes back to I don't think I deserve anything better than this, because I've never been taught that I can take up space right. We're all taught to be this good girl, right, where you don't speak unless spoken to. You stay quiet.

Speaker 2: 13:28

We are praised for how we look and not who we are. Men, on the other hand, they're praised for how they are right and not how they look. And so they have a whole other set of issues, and I'm not negating that fact at all. But as women, we don't know how to take up space. And while I have a lot of success and I teach women to do this and I see them make these changes, which is so amazing, there are still things in that area that I have to work on for myself as well, because there's always another layer.

Speaker 2: 13:59

But that is the biggest thing is teaching them that they have permission to move.

Speaker 2: 14:04

They have permission to explore themselves and not worry about what they think is going to hold them back, because 99% of the time it's someone's going to judge me my mom or my dad, my spouse, my sister when really they just want you to be you and so the more you that you can be, the better that is.

Speaker 2: 14:24

And when they get a little taste of that, it kind of becomes a snowball effect, right when it's like oh man, I want more of that, because that feels good and I didn't know that I was allowed to do that. And it's the same with the self-talk. I didn't know that I was allowed to do that and it's the same with the self-talk. I didn't know that I had another option, because this feels normal to me. It feels normal that I need to self-deprecate and to talk about the fact that I'm not thin, or the fact that I need to feel guilty that I had some Cheetos this weekend or a piece of cake at a birthday party because my grandma used to say something to me. Or, you know, my dad said my shirt was too tight when I was 10. It's all of those things that really stick with us. We don't feel like we have the permission to let go of.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Okay, you said so many things. Okay, when do I begin with this one? What I loved? Well, what I loved, one of the things that you said, was that this is where I give you a lot of respect and a lot of other coaches and therapists and physical whatever, whatever the helping field. When you are saying, hey, I'm not perfect, I'm still going. You know, I'm working through my my self too, and it's, it's a journey. It's never ending. It's never like I'm healed. I'm working through my myself too, and it's a journey. It's never ending. It's never like I'm healed, I'm still healing.

Speaker 1: 15:40

And I feel like that is such a great thing to say to others because it makes somebody like your clients to say, wow, I'm not abnormal, I'm not strange, I'm not alone. You know I'm not strange, I, I'm not alone. I'm not alone because you know people are going through a similar journey like me, and then look how they're overcoming it, Look how they're working through it. So I love that you said that, Um. And then, as far as the actual process, the get, the giving, the permission, I mean, how free does that woman feel? Like, oh my God.

Speaker 1: 16:20

And it's like you, Vanessa, you being that coach and you going through it and sometimes I can I say this to myself I'm like, oh, how did you not think that you were, you know? But what a great feeling it is to be free to be me. I mean, I know that's such a cliche free to be me. How freeing is that? I guess for some of those women that's such an obstacle to overcome. And what would you say? Is it really my fear of what people think of me that's stopping someone to be free to be themselves.

Speaker 2: 16:59

Yeah, that's a good question and I really think it is. I think it goes back to the validation, right, because think about how many women do we know, or how many times in our lives have we been in some kind of social situation or family situation where it's like, well, they have to come first. Right, like my children have to come first, my spouse has to come first, or even in a social setting with my friends. I have something I want to say, but I'm not going to say it. I want to be nice, right, and we tell ourselves that we're being the good girl, we're being nice. Well, nice and kind are two different things. Right, like I'm going to be nice to my friend that has broccoli in their teeth. But the kind thing would be to actually say something. Right, to embarrass them in the moment and risk maybe they think I'm mean because I said it, but at least now they don't have to go through the rest of the day with food in their teeth. Right, and we don't look at it that way. We don't want to embarrass them, or we don't want to rock the boat or, you know, tell our friends, hey, I'm actually interested in this. Right, like with me for dance fitness.

Speaker 2: 18:03

When I started that, I almost didn't want to tell my friends at first because I knew they wouldn't get it and they didn't get it right. But I had to make the decision to give myself permission to do something that was on my heart to do. And that's the biggest and the scariest thing to do, because you just don't know if those people are going to judge you, if they're going to leave you, even for something like that to be as silly and trivial as that sounds. We don't feel that way because it's a part of our life, right? And we're like oh my God, what happens if my people leave me because I want to live for myself? What happens if my spouse decides that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I started to put myself first, right? And the reality is, when you put yourself first, you can actually show up greater for those people. You can actually be a better friend, you can be a better partner to people. The more you express yourself and the more you know yourself rejection is protection.

Speaker 1: 19:21

Rejection is protection. That person wasn't for you and I said just be you, don't feel like you have to be somebody else. I love all of those things that you said. So, with that, what does it look like to work with you? So, let's say, somebody signs up with you or contacts you. What are some of the things that you do, at first, initially, and then getting them on that journey?

Speaker 2: 19:39

Yeah. So first we want to ease them in slowly, because this is something that it feels like a big, scary jump right. And so, once they've actually admitted to themselves that they want to do this, because that's like the first hurdle is, like I don't even want people to know I think I have a problem or that I don't feel like I'm happy where I am Right. Once they get through that, we work on a lot of like goals and intention setting. We want to make sure that we're very intentional when we go in. So what do you expect to get out of this program? How can we make you successful? So that it's something that feels like, it's tangible, something that we can plan for, because know, as a coach too, like accountability is a huge part of it. So how are we going to make this something that is not going to be so big and terrifying to you that you want to keep moving forward? But also, like, how can we dream bigger? Like, how can we make this dream of yours a reality? Right, so we really start with the framework there and then we move into experiential play, right? So, like now we get to start to build a vision and we get to see, like, what are those things that like, maybe you liked as a child, or those things that you've always wanted to try, but maybe you've never actually said out loud like to anybody, not even not even your steering wheel when you're by yourself in your car, right? Like what are those things that feel just a little bit wild for you, right, and it doesn't have to be like, you know, skydiving. You know, maybe it is taking a dance class or maybe it's going and taking a pottery class by yourself?

Speaker 2: 21:06

I had a woman that wanted to just go have dinner by herself. She had four kids and just wanted to simply go to dinner in a nice restaurant and read a book, and so, and for her that was wild and big and terrifying and scary. But man, when she did it she was like holy shit, that was amazing. I want to do that all the time, right, but then she gets like so much more energy for herself and for her family after that, and so we focus on that quite a bit. So it's a lot of how do I do this? What are the things I want? Let me schedule it on my calendar and then, guess what? Now we're going to go do it.

Speaker 2: 21:42

So the end of the program is really about how do we communicate, how do I share this with you, how do I tell you that this is something that's important to me, so I can get support from those around me? And then the biggest, scariest thing on your list oh, girl, that's what we're doing, we're going to go do that. So, like for her, that was the dinner thing, like that was her celebration, her graduation from the program, and like really learning that she can do these things, that she can find ways to express herself without having to give up everything else, but also not putting herself to the side either. So that's the biggest focus of the program is just really like asking yourself those questions and getting clear on what you want and making sure that everybody else's thoughts and opinions are off to the side.

Speaker 1: 22:34

Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah, great process. Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah, great process. And of course, you want to ease it in. I loved that you said intentional. So and this is for those who are listening and whether or not you want to lose weight, and it's like, okay, where do you begin? Where do you start? What steps? What's the first step? What does that look like? Like that's what the coach is going to help you with.

Speaker 1: 23:04

You know, put it into a plan and not just have this broad goal and say, oh, I want to lose weight or I want to be able to I don't know set up date myself or I want to attract better people, but you have to have a plan in place. You need some accountability as well, and that is where a coach comes in handy. They're going to keep you accountable, especially on the days that you don't want to do it. So they're going to be like hello, remember that goal that you put together. You know you got to put that through. So let's talk about your resume just a little bit, cause I know when we first spoke, I was like girl, how the heck did you work with Tony Robbins? I'm like, how did that happen? So you know, first tell us how did that happen. And then, what did you take from that experience that you use now with your coaching, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:01

So I'm a big believer that timing is everything and I mentioned it earlier when the universe sends you a sign, you just got to lean in and say yes, right, which is how I got into coaching to begin with. And so it's really actually pretty funny how that happened, because I had graduated from HCI and I was kind of just going it on my own trying to figure it out with the tools that they gave us, trying to market, and I had invested in a high ticket business building program after that, with a local coach who I learned more about marketing from. So I'm in this space where I'm starting to create more content on Instagram and I'm building my audience and for anybody listening who has built an audience, there's just a lot of connection building that you're doing there, right? So who's liking my posts a lot, who's commenting a lot and who can I have a private conversation with and see if they're interested in my program, right, like, build a friendship and go from there. And there was somebody who had been on my personal account, who had seen all the philanthropy, the volunteer work that I've done because I've done that for a long time as well saw my entire weight loss journey, my journey through becoming a coach and then followed me over to my coaching profile and it was actually a man funny enough, and I was like, oh, he's liking all my stuff and like he seems pretty engaged and I, you know, I don't want to cherry pick here so maybe he wants what I have to offer. So I started, you know, to talk to him in my DMs because obviously I was kind of familiar with him after years of him being a follower and he was like well, I'm not interested in your services, but I do work for mastermindcom and we need some coaches. So he was like, would you be interested in coming and interviewing? And I happened to live like 15 minutes away from the headquarters. So I was like, okay, like why not? Yeah, absolutely. Like let me, let me come in and see what this is all about. And the rest is history.

Speaker 2: 26:01

You know, I went in there and I was just honest about, you know, the level of experience that I had, because I was still kind of a new coach. And they were like that's fine, like we'll teach you, like this is the knowledge industry, that's what we're all about, is like growth and learning and development. And so I signed on. I didn't look back from that and I did it for a couple years and it was amazing. I've worked with hundreds of clients there as well Tony Robbins and a Dean Graziosi company as well, so a lot of it.

Speaker 2: 26:29

It was different than the empowerment and mindset coaching. It was all business focused, but it's helped me a lot to understand the other pieces of the business as well and the experience that I got there and the brilliant human beings that I've been surrounded by whether it's having Trent Shelton in the office for the day or Brendan Burchard oh my God, when he came into the office I was totally starstruck and I didn't even say anything to him. I still will have to. If I ever see him again, I'll be like hey, um, but like having experiences like that is amazing.

Speaker 2: 27:04

But also just the incredibly experienced and qualified people that work behind the scenes there as well.

Speaker 2: 27:11

So to be able to, you know, pick our copywriter's brain or our marketer's brain on things, or our actual marketing director had a, I think, top five podcast that she's put down, and so when I launched my podcast, to be able to pick her brain and get her support on what things work, it's helped me to grow immeasurably and that really just speaks volumes to your growth and your success in life in general is all about who you surround yourself with, and it's about being willing to ask questions. The better questions, the stronger. Questions obviously will get you where you want to go a little bit faster, and that's something I was not good at in the beginning at all. But being able to surround yourself by people and just having the humility to admit that you don't know something around them will definitely get you more of the knowledge that you're looking for quicker, versus you just trying to do everything on your own, which again also echoes like the power of having a coach or a mentor around you.

Speaker 1: 28:11

That's just amazing, amazing story let's talk about. You said it's dance fitness, dance fitness. Okay, what is that?

Speaker 2: 28:19

So the easiest format that everybody knows is Zumba. Zumba is like a dance fitness format, so there's all kinds of different ones out there, but I think Zumba was like one of the first and so I liked Zumba. I did it when I was in college, but I actually, when I lived in Florida, I started to take one that was called the Vixen workout, which is still around. It's called VXN now but it was a very empowering type of workout and it also helped me with my affirmations, which is really funny. It's like just funny how things work out and how they align themselves.

Speaker 2: 28:52

So at the beginning of every class, when you go to take a Vixen class and it's very like Latin hip hop, pop type of music. It's, all you know, again, based on Miami, so it's all the Miami vibes. You would have to look yourself in the mirror every class at the very beginning and everyone together would say making eye contact with themselves yes, I'm sexy, yes, I'm fierce, yes, I've got this, yes, and you would say it like three or four times until it was like the class had energy and it was built up and it was ready to go, and when I first started that I could not look myself in the eyes. I could not do it. I couldn't, it was so uncomfortable, I didn't believe what I was saying.

Speaker 2: 29:34

But I will tell you that once I started to allow myself to believe the words that I was saying, like I gave myself that permission, it was like damn, like let me say that again, cause it like feels so good. And then the next thing, you know, you feel that and it really opened me up to have more of that expression through my body and through my movement, and also taught me that I don't have to move like everybody else either. My body doesn't have to look or move like the instructor does, and that actually led me down another path to be a dance fitness instructor. So I did that for four years as well, because I wanted to show other people too that, like I'm not a dancer, I have no experience at all other than this, and if I can do it, you can do it, and it was just another part of my empowerment journey. But it it that I, that format is just something that, like honestly really changed my life.

Speaker 1: 30:30

Well, you are a dancer, because I was.

Speaker 2: 30:32

I'm looking at some of your videos and I'm like this is so cool and you're like you're doing performances and you have like this whole.

Speaker 1: 30:36

You have it all on your Instagram account. I think that's so cool and you're like you're doing performances and you have like this whole. You have it all on your Instagram account. I think that's so cool that you're showing that and I love it. I love it Anything that has to do with dancing and, oh, it's fitness too. That's great. Vanessa, where can people find you?

Speaker 2: 30:54

Yeah, I am all over the place, so easiest place I pretty much live on Instagram, so that's the easiest place to reach me. You can reach me it's coachness on Instagram. On YouTube, I also have my podcast. It's called the Rebel Rise Podcast. It very much fits the theme of everything that we were talking about today. That's on YouTube and it would be coach underscore ness, so very similar. And you can also find that on Spotify as well. But the best place to reach me directly is going to be on Instagram, for sure.

Speaker 1: 31:27

Yeah, and if you go to her Instagram account, it says you're no bullshit empowerment coach. If that doesn't say it all, that says it all. Vanessa, thank you so much for being a part of this. Who would have known that we would be like? You would be on my podcast.

Speaker 2: 31:46

I love it.

Speaker 1: 31:48

I know right. So thank you again for being a part of this and for those of you who want to reach out to Vanessa, we'll put all her information and links to get a hold of her on the podcast notes. Vanessa, again, thank you so much for being a part of this Of course, Lisa. Thanks for having me and until next time, everyone Bye.